she likes my hair. I knew that particular asset would come in handy some day.

called it.

I have a strange feeling I’m going to end up broken-hearted within the next month and a half. so watch this space

i never gave a farewell post. i don’t need to because evidently I’m still posting.whhhhaaaaat? hat?

oh that reminds me. you probably don’t watch american idol. do you think that makes you automatically better than 30 million people? get off your high horse. especially if you a) have a facebook or b) read harry potter.

i’m mostly talking about lantz so feel free to disregard this entire post.

except for this part:

APPLEAPPLEAPPLEAPPLEAPELAPELAEPALEPAAPELEPAELAPELAPALEPAAPPPPLLLEEEEEEE sauce fiction.

augsburg mainstage. fringefestival.org

in an attempt to communicate more effectively, i have decided to make one last entry before this blog can officially be put to rest.
i promise to keep it short.
there was a time that i thought i had met in you two my mythical best mates
what happened to us?
a multitude of eventualities, perhaps.
you slowly began to understand how i tick tock
and my sickness spread its tentacles
inciting a rash temperament in our dealings
a suspicion
a jealousy
a resentment
and possibility due to our preexisting conditions, none of us knew the when or how of a proper emotional conversation.
and we suffocated as collectively as we grew.
i got the short stick of course, because i love being the victim.
i have my regrets. i was the impetus.
but mostly i regret that our friendships weren’t founded upon the type of support system that would have carried us through my illness or this past winter or our drug habit or whatever the setting of this story will be told in retrospect
that is something i could have had more control over
i could have talked
i could have kept it in my pants
i could have been more realistic.

well.

my life has certainly improved creatively over the past year.
i had just broken up with michael, and was distraught. you carried me over a hump, maggie. and jeff you once reminded me that i am a dreamer at heart.

i wish i didn’t ever have to grow up.

this is a sad day.

two people meeting accidentally a great deal of time after crisis:

This is the first of a series of boring plays which are infinitely more interesting when performed where they ought to be.
This first one is on a BUS.

Woman sits alone
Bus approaches Man
and picks him up.
W:
M:
M sits down,
in the seat adjacent to W.
W:
M:
W: I thought that I…
//M: I’m sorry that I…
W: What?
//M: Sorry.
M: I’m sorry.
W:
M: ?
W: I thought that I was attracted to you.
M: You were.
W: No but I mean back there a few minutes ago. I didn’t recognize you.
M: Well (beat) I cut off all my hair.
W: No.
M: Yes.
W: You’re different. When you got on the bu-
M: Different? I’m the same. You’ve changed. You’ve got
W: ?
M: bangs.
W: and you’ve got -
M: muscles.
M/W: Hm.
W: You don’t like my hair.
M: No it’s more than that-
W: You know what? Nevermind. Just Nevermi-
M: Shut up.
W:
M: I would like you-love you I did love you but it’s just that.
M: people.
M: change.
W: and what? you’re saying that we
M: I’m saying that we changed eac-
//W: changed eachother.
W: I guess that makes sense.
M:
W:
M: ph(pause) pheromones and all that.
W: yeah I get it.
M: So. This is my stop. I’ll see you around?
W: Me too.
//M: Hm? What’s that?
W: This is my stop as well.
M:
M exits front.
W exits rear.

In a LIBRARY.
Two people potentially purposefully meeting a short deal of time after crisis.
Guy approaches Man
G: Would you like to take a walk?
M: No.
G: Would you like to sit and talk?
M: No.
G sits.
M
sits.
G: Are you doing well?
M: I can never tell.
G: Tell me? or yourself.
M: Hm.
G: Because there is a difference.
M: I’m on the fence. Built around those whom I can trust.
G: Me. Yourself.
M: I’m not so sure I see it anymore.
G: The fence?
M: The difference.
G: Maybe that’s the cure.
M: I feel like a whore.
G: I told you already not to guilty about it. We’ve all done our penance. Let’s be happy now.
M: How?
G: Stop being so dramatic and kiss me.
But they don’t.
G: I’d like to make this work but I’m going to need some assistance.
M:
G: Call me when you’re ready.
G leaves.
Moment passes.
M dials number.
M: I’m ready.
M gets up, leaves.
M: No he just left. Are you done already? I’m still hungry.

I have no pie chart to follow that up with. Rapid cycling I am familiar with. Ride the wave.

When I say I feel you, I mean I am there too. Was there, I mean.

I mean, to say. To, say.

Nonsense. Non, sense.

Anyway though, I stand by my man. Besides, I don’t even remember you with hair anymore! So what am I saying, hmm let me figure it out first…I’m saying that….I love you. There’s a good trick we play on ourselves where we fly kites in the spring and everything gets really happy. And I heard you might have just taken one advertising a…theatre piece. OUT of un arbre.

Or on the subject of being lonely
Or how I learned to stop worrying and cry for help
Or why, as of March 8th, 2009 I have decided not to kill myself

Because of surprises
Because of my immediate family and Megan
Because of the possibility of an Arts Collective
Because of my friends from high school who have been through too much
Because I am so afraid of dying

The following is a percentile division of the totality of the intolerable aspects of my depression:

SO I suppose don’t be concerned. Because friendships have proven to be worthless and because if not suicidal then nothing.

HARK!

All you artists of the west bank.

Those of you who are willing and able should be in attendance at the first of many

a WORKSHOP of collaborative art

dealing with the chance existence of humans upon a planet

with the intention of inspiring the student population to become engaged in creation itself

and of a new work under unprecedented circumstances

IT IS

HAPPENING

LIFE IS HAPPENING

SUNDAY THE FIRST OF MARCH

from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. and Seven p.m. to Nine p.m.

Come to either.

Or BOTH.

make sure to bring with you (in your preferred vessel):

1. “Movement Clothes” – preferably those of color.

2. A Lack of Physical Boundaries / SHAME

3. a willingness to engage in a student collective of exploration

Come play with Nicholas Marcouiller, Jeffrey Shockley, and Margaret Williams in
ROOM 10

noodles. they delicious. they purty cheep. they imploiees doesn’t make money. I’m getting a research grant I hope I hope. eleven fifty an hour to supplement my noodleslingin cash. Good way to finance the unhealthy habits I’m sure I’ll have while working on a fringe show with jeffo and nicko…

what is there to say! noffin. I’m no Pete Doherty living in filthy dope squallor but I sure do need to clean this room