in an attempt to communicate more effectively, i have decided to make one last entry before this blog can officially be put to rest.
i promise to keep it short.
there was a time that i thought i had met in you two my mythical best mates
what happened to us?
a multitude of eventualities, perhaps.
you slowly began to understand how i tick tock
and my sickness spread its tentacles
inciting a rash temperament in our dealings
a suspicion
a jealousy
a resentment
and possibility due to our preexisting conditions, none of us knew the when or how of a proper emotional conversation.
and we suffocated as collectively as we grew.
i got the short stick of course, because i love being the victim.
i have my regrets. i was the impetus.
but mostly i regret that our friendships weren’t founded upon the type of support system that would have carried us through my illness or this past winter or our drug habit or whatever the setting of this story will be told in retrospect
that is something i could have had more control over
i could have talked
i could have kept it in my pants
i could have been more realistic.
well.
my life has certainly improved creatively over the past year.
i had just broken up with michael, and was distraught. you carried me over a hump, maggie. and jeff you once reminded me that i am a dreamer at heart.
i wish i didn’t ever have to grow up.
this is a sad day.
