da kraziest sekuritie kamz

i just had it. well i mean its not an original idea but you take the picture, right? okay it’s this if you listen closely:

GARAGE SALES!

not having them as much as going to them and buying other peoples used shit for quarters on the 20. Sound fun, right? Well that’s because it is. And if we flash some tits we might even get a dime bag fo free. Let’s be ‘those people’ Let’s shop in other people’s sad garages.

i should have wished maggie danger a happy birthday.

here it goes.

happy birthday?

well you get the idea.

hope it was fun but seeing as i talked to you last night at facebook and also because it was monday i can’t imagine that it was terribly erotic.

I’m a simple man, two oranges is fine thanks. Ask me no questions and all that.
I turn Nineteen today, yesserie thankye much. A world traveller!
A world sleeper, too. Sleepin in a pile of my own genuine red leather. Comfeeeee!
Last year I must have been in dear old Iowa, ferociously masterbating into a family blanket. At least I had a cake, i suppose!
And look how I’ve grown momma, blue pants I’m wearin’ didya see?
A yellow shirt too – goldenrod to be sure.
SEX! had it.
Whooooeeee did that hurt my pooper! I had to have the good ol’ boy stoppit. Stuck mine in his and felt like a dog.
Don’t like sex much, momma.
Don’t like love much either, pa.
Not one bit, I do believe. And know this, know this – I’m a simple man but whoooeeee did it throw me for a spin!
Love Love Love. Two is fine, surely. Two is enough.
Love Love Lusty Lust. Been there, haven’t I then?
And I’m stull there don’t cha kno it!
I’m lustin’ for some bloke who could care less, really. Gone there before, and shoulda stayed dang!
Lovin’ that boy who could care less (a diffrent one, you heard it. diffrent from that one I lust, to clarify. Same one as before, real. Made from skin and curly Jew hair)
Big nose lovin’ thatsa me!
Can’t ya bend a luttle bit dere, buddy? Just a little, to be sure!
Com’un pal think of where I’ve been for ya!
I’ve been in Alge-bra and Chemistry. Religions, too!
I’ve lived my best in a classroom for you, just to furter the caussseee. The cause, ya know!?
The propellation.
And look what you’ve done here. Look at my face Damnnit… It’s a bit saggier ya see?
Just bend a litte here. I’m not asking you to break really.
No flying piggies or pepper pancakes. Just a bit’o'reciprication, huh?!
yeaaa, lova boy you know how I mean.
To say, I’m sayin’ I’m just sayin that I’m simple and in lover with a clouded realotie.
Don’t want three oranges, just two! Just two silly oranges and maybe a nice sack.

Been acrosst a couple of oceans, now momma. ten or so for sure.
Walk cross one everyday of nine whole months whoooeee! Dang that, didda hear? Everyday!
Cept those days I’d be sleepin’ which I suppose be ‘ften It’s mah flaw.
My flaws be these five things no mo no mo maybe even less, yeah yeah yeah? Just two, then.
Yeah yeah.
Alright,,, flaws flavity flawz
sloth as a direct result of hyperactivity- checkin dis one out soon, i swear it!
en vy. not the phone. Envy of that phone, yeah? Envy of spend time, too.
GLUTTONy. Not bigger cause its woerse, bigga cause its mah future maed from two-cheeseburgers-a-day diet.
wrath- I hate people and all that, no questions asked, hm?
forgetfulness. because let us face it I forgot what to wRIGHT.
Drug use could also be one? Nah I don’t think the bigguy cares.
How about stalkin? Does that fall under a slon/envy mega combo orrrr…..?

Here lies the distinct writing style of my proetry:
dead.

I’m opting instead for America’s favorite… the List!
Crocodile Cool Thingz!:
(no s’pific ordr)
1. Meetin Maggie
2. Bffz wit Megan
3.The Michael ordeal
4. Becoming Hot.
4. Theatre XXXperiencez
5. Rome, I guess?
6. Minneapolis in general, huh.
7. Tattoo Sept. 13, 2007
8. Obama/Sigur Ros/Shaggy/Theatreeee
9. Independenz
10. Middlebrook

I wish I had put my birthday as a visible component on facebook. I didn’t get any of the random/akward comments that I was looking forward to.

DO I HAVE STORIES FOR YOU!

sort of.

LETS DO SALVIA THE DAY AFTER YOUR PARENTS LEAVE

my nerves are officially a hot mess. I changed my mind, I’m not ready not ready not ready!

well I’m sitting in my friend sean’s kitchen drinking arnold palmers from the fridge while his entire family is in sanibel taking a well-deserved beach vacation. I have already fed the fish and carried two bags of cat shit out to the garbage. now I’m just sticking around drinking refreshing summer beverages and updating my blog from their computer because I don’t want to go back to my house yet. I want my mom to think this job is a lot harder than it really is.

you know the scene in titanic when rose is in the lifeboat but she’s like “aw man I’m in love with jack” and then there’s this long shot of the boat being lowered slowly (albeit unsteadily) and then after what seems like an illogical amount of time she jumps back onto the sinking ship and manages to stick around long enough to watch jack die AND THEN instead of freezing to death with her bitchy mom and that annoying Molly Brown she lives to tell Bill Paxton about the whole thing in the 90s

basically what I’m saying is I want to try salvia before it becomes illegal in minnesota

EDIT: it’s 5 am on a saturday morning and I haven’t gone to sleep but I wanted to say that I’m getting wicked flashes of april right now. like the april we spent sitting on the front lawn of middlebrook at this time of day trying to alternately pee in the bushes and record a cover of merry happy

I am sad to leave, I think.

But happy to possibly be reunited with sex…

I AM 19!!!

What does this mean? It was a pretty great night… does this signify a great year? One can only hope…

Here’s to the year I had, here’s to the year to come.

On the plane tomorrow I am going to write a review of my 18th year. It was wonderful and devestatiting at the same time. I hope to share it with you should you be interested.

I am sorry to hear about st. louie, magz. That sounds pretty rough. One must understand that once Maggie & Nicholas gain international Oprah superstardom the world will be a better place. It needs us. Really. Life lacks enjoyment.

I am taking too much pleasure out of this birthday. Aren’t I too old for this???

fuck there’s been a lot of fucking crazy ass fuckers around here holing themselves up refusing to drop the gun. I think they’re just trying to close the roads. oh except for the fucking nutjob that shot a firefighter.

anyway happy birthday Nick.

and anyway the police chief resigned.

and anyway I am ready to go. allons-y!

haha my mom just called lindsay lohan’s girlfriend ugly